GIRLS RULE BOYS DROOL

Being the CLEARANCE SHOPPER that I am, I found an amazing deal on a ping pong table....Paul being the OVER ACHIEVER that he THINKS he is, decided that he and Bobby were going to put this thing together quickly and seamlessly and that Erin and Mary will just get in the way and they need to GO AWAY! So us "LITTLE LADIES" were told to "MOSEY" on upstairs (I don't know when this JERK turned into John Wayne, but he did.) Had this been any other situation where a guy called me a "little lady" and told me to get my a$$ upstairs, he would have to die! But I did in fact need him at this moment, so I let him live.  After all, who was gonna put this thing together?....NOT ME!  He and Bobby went right to work and they were down there for a really long time.  Eventually, Paul grew quite frustrated at the large amount of screwing involved (I'm gonna leave that joke alone...TOO OBVIOUS) When Mary and I heard  "Son of a  %^&(*$#   $((*^^%"  roaring from the basement, YIKES....we decided that we should casually bring some ice cold drinks down there for our hard workers (really, I just wanted to scold Paul for his choice of words, the drinks were just a nice cover)....Paul sat puzzled at why the ping pong table wouldn't fold properly, everything else worked perfectly!  He scratched his head for quite some time on this issue, Bobby even chimed in with ideas from time to time. All of the sudden, Little 8 year old Mary says, "Dad, I see the problem".......He snaps, "SHHHHHH.... I'm thinking here...seriously, Mary leave me alone till I figure this out!!!".....  Mary leans over to Bobby and whispers,  "I see the problem, look at that thing, it is screwed into the wrong place, it's crooked, isn't it supposed to be straight like the rest of them?  Booby <---(this was a typo, but I liked it, so lets call him "Booby" for the rest of this story)  looks over and sees that Mary is absolutely correct! ......SHE SAVED THE DAY!!!   She is glowing and beaming with pride, not because she fixed the problem....BUT BECAUSE SHE WAS in fact DISMISSED by "THE MAN" and came back PROVING that just because she is LITTLE and A GIRL doesn't mean that SHE can't do it!!!  HA! WATCH OUT WORLD!!

Stupid Certified checks and SEXY IRA'S

You know what’s hard to do........getting a certified check from the bank is HARD TO DO!....How often do you have to do that...How about, NEVER!!!! .....So really, you are set up to look like a complete IDIOT from the moment you walk in and yes, I fit that bill.....

I walked in totally prepared (I even put a folder with blank papers in it under my arm to look like I had important documents, shhh ...that was just a prop) I looked at the stand that has the deposit slips, nope, no information there??....Then a suited gentleman (note that I called him "gentleman" not "guy"...it's cause I'm being all sophisticated and banker-ish) so that suited "gentleman" was flirting with a cute teller and he had to stop to walk over and ask me if I needed help. Apparently, I reeked of confusion (even with my folder of important documents) I said, "Yes, I need a .......a.......a...." I completely blanked and couldn't remember what the dumb check was called......so "CASANOVA" looked at me all dumb and raised his "CROOKED EYEBROW" at me and directed me to another teller...then he went back to the cute teller girl to explain what his IRA was like (all pompous) and he asked her how comfortable she is with her IRA level...WHAT???!!! IS THIS REALLY HOW BANKERS PICK UP WOMEN???......OMG NEVER!!!! BORE ME TO TEARS!!!! JAB ME IN THE EYE WITH A HOT POKER!!!! I would be like, "what, huh, are you joking me? And what’s an IRA anyway, is it some weird sex position that I have never heard of? Is it a piece of jewelry? Is it a car?" I raised my "PERFECTLY PLUCKED EYEBROW" right back at him and HIS STUPIDITY (If he gets a girl with lines like that...I'm moving outta this state) So after giggling inside at watching Casanova with his crooked a$$ eyebrows try to charm the pants off of this cute teller girl, I had to get focused again.... I fumble around trying to inform the teller that I need a "CASHIERS" check...she looks at me as if she is smarter than me too and says you mean a "CERTIFIED" check....I say, "ohhh, ok, whatever, YAY, I need that one." She asks me how much I need it for (all this information is stored in my cell phone, in the form a text message from Paul) I told her that I needed to review my records, if she could please give me a moment (hehehe...I know, I sound all businessie ,don't I?) and I picked up my folder and put my phone in the middle of it (I pretended I was reading important documents but I was really reading my smiley face filled text messages) ....I told her the amount I needed the check for and she said .....or what I thought she said was, "would you like to make this out someone"...just like they ask at the flower shop...so I smiled and said, "YES" she look at me with a dead blank stare and she said, (all filled with attitude) ...."you CAN'T answer... YES" (visibly irritated) she repeated, "WHO would you like to make this out to?" OHHHH...whoops.....I fumbled with my phone again and told her the companies name with a stutter...OMG How dumb can one person feel!!?? I was all set to be smart, I had on the right outfit, the right props, the right shoes..etc...One last ditch effort at leaving with a little dignity....I asked her if she would please screw up the check so that I felt better (of course I was joking)...she smiled a half a$$ kind of smile, one that screamed "OMG, please get run over in the parking lot" ....So (with my head held low) I was on my way..... I walked out and I realized a very important lesson...Maybe if that folder had REAL documents in it this could have gone a little better...next time I'm bringing the kids birth certificates, my marriage license, and the deed to the house, oh and plus, I'm going to bring the newspaper All folded up under my other arm! Well I Gotta go now.... I'm off to Google IRA's I need to see just how "HOT" those things are!

Thoughts from the MRI tunnel

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEE .....OUCH, that is loud!!.......EEEEEEEEEEEE  EEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEE ....OMG,  I'm gonna have to ask them to turn THAT down........  EEEEEEEEEEE.....Oh that's right, I'm not supposed to move ....EEEEEEEEEEEEEE..... Maybe if I just think it.... the MRI will SHOW them what I'm thinking....like in a scroll form across the screen....YUP, I bet that's what happens  EEEEEEEEEE  EEEEEEEEEEEEEE......Hey guys....please turn THAT down, it's kinda giving me a headache!! ....EEEEEEEEE.....GUYS???...... EEEEEEEEEE.......(whimper) ...guys????........ EEEEEEEEEEE......I bet they are reading what I'm thinking but, they aren't gonna turn it down......EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....buncha a$$holes!!!!....EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE......Great now I called them "a$$holes", they are never gonna turn it down now!....EEEEEEEEEEEEEE........I better watch what I think so they don't read it......EEEEEEEEEE  EEEEEE EEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEE Wow, this looks like a coffin or Star Trek.....Only, where's Spok and that other guy, he was cute?......EEEEEEEEE.....hmmm That one guy controlling this MRI thing is REALLY cute....EEEEEEEEEEE........ too bad he is wearing pink scrubs, he must pitch for the other team........EEEEEEEEEEEEE.......All the cute ones do???  why is that??  EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE......Like "George Michael" and "Ricky Martin"...Yummy.....EEEEEEEE.........But then again, there is also "Perez Hilton" and "Richard Simmons", not so yummy.......EEEEEEEEE........hehehehe, I could totally see this controller guy "SWEATIN TO THE OLDIES" hehehehehehehe.....EEEEEEEEEE......... OMG, this thing just got louder!!!!!  I can't even think anymore!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Oilchange Experiment

So the last time I was FORCED by Paul to be the lucky one to take my car in for an oil change, they really made me feel stupid...TRULY STUPID, NOT "FUN and SILLY STUPID!" ..It's one thing to be "silly stupid" but "TRULY stupid" is not such a good feeling...I went in as myself the first time and they knocked me right down....so this time, I thought, "you know what, I'm gonna beat them to the punch and I'm going to do a little experiment...I'm gonna be dumber than a BRICK and see how THAT pans out."  It's really not good to insult me, cause then I start experiments...like this one!  Here's how this little exchange went down.......

Oil change guy:  Hello Mam, how can I help you?
Me: Ummm ....I was told that I need an oil change thing.
Oil guy:  YOU need an oil change??  or your CAR does???  (I'm not even kidding, see how he tried to make me look dumb!....I worked it out though..... READ ON)
Me: (Looking puzzled) ummm, I think my car does....hmmmm... whats an oil change??
Oil guy:  (he ignored that question) Ok mam, we will hook you up.
Me:  Hook me up to what?
Oil guy: (looking at me like I'm an adorable little animal that he is starting to feel kinda sorry for) No no, we are going to get you "set up" with a good service plan, don't you worry.
ME: Oh good....cause the last time I did this, I got in trouble from my husband cause I did it all wrong
Oil guy: (trying to protect me) He didn't yell at you? Did he?
Me: Yes, he did (pouty lip) He thinks I should know this stuff,  but I just can't.  I try to do all this stuff right but, I fail every time (over exaggerated pouty lip)
Oil guy: Well "HONEY", (he's no longer calling me "mam') we will make sure that HE can't yell at YOU again!
Me: (twirling my hair) Thanks, he will be so proud of me!
Oil Guy: If he won't.... I will!

OMG!!!! ....YES.... THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED....That experiment went PERFECTLY.....The first time I walked in with my head held high and confidence that was unbreakable...This time I walked in like an airheaded dumbass.....and I could have left with HIS PAYCHECK!!!..............WHO IS THE DUMB ONE!!???!!  NOT ME!!!  I WIN!!!........He became my knight in shining armor oil change guy...Disney totally needs to pick up this story....Seriously, it's a BOX OFFICE HIT!

Football = ?

That dumb football game that was on over the weekend made me remember a few irritating things about that STUPID sport!......When Paul and I first started dating....he thought he was pretty slick with "football time" versus "REAL TIME"  and it actually worked  (yes, I'm ashamed to admit that)  I would be dying to leave the house and go out and  he would say, "Baby, look at the time, there are ONLY 4 more minutes left, reeeeelax".  I was really sweet and kind back then (adorable too, but that's not important to this story so I just won't bring that up) I didn't make too much of a fuss back in those days so I let it go, although, if this were to happen today....Well I'm pretty sure you know that I would write on him with a Sharpie while he is sleeping or hide a raw fish in his car! I mean really, everyone knows that the earths axis is what created "time" and our "internal clock" created our "sense of time"  With that said, the thing that is plaguing me is  "WHY ARE FOOTBALL PEOPLE THE ONLY ONES ALLOWED TO CHANGE HOW LONG 4 MINUTES IS????"..... Answer me that, sports A$$HOLES!!!!

Cleaning day

So it's Monday and Monday has always been and forever will be, my cleaning day.....needless to say... I HATE MONDAYS!!!....So to make things a little less stressful for me, I posed this question to Paul......"Ummm, Paul, Love of My Life, do you think it would be at all possible for me to have a cleaning service come over and help out a little on Mondays?  I mean, I work so hard and I get so tired.....You don't want me all tired do you?"  (pouty lip)......Paul says...."awwww Erin, we may be able to do something like that, if you hate it THAT bad".......

MY thoughts on how this "cleaning service" should appear.........

WHAT?????!!!!! ........I'm sure he is FABULOUS at cleaning, laundry, and dishes...He didn't get those arms from just sitting around!!!!

So I say to Paul,  "well I kinda was thinking about this women's lib stuff and how much I hate degrading women by making them do typical "woman" jobs......how about we get a male maid??????  I dunno, it's just an idea that popped into my head just now, like just a second ago, I have never thought of this before" (except for last week and the week before.... OK .....Yeah...SO... I think about this all the time.... but whatever)



Paul says...."hmmmm Erin, sweet, innocent, Erin...I see where you are going with this and I know exactly what you mean.  I know how much you want to raise women up to the highest of standards....I will call around for you tomorrow, sweetheart"......I say,  "Really OMG...You are the best....although....I do have 1 more small request.....I don't want this poor guy to have to do any extra laundry, so can you make sure he cleans with his shirt off, you know, just to save him some extra work.  I would feel terrible if he had to work EXTRA while he was here"......Paul says,  "No PROBLEM sweetie, I have it handled".......(whispering JUST to you) Sometimes it's just a little too easy to work this man!!!!  

Monday morning comes and I'm waiting anxiously by the door for my new "cleaning service".........and he arrives

(scroll down)

DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Gimme back the mop Franklin!!!!!!.... I'll do it my DAMN SELF!

Why don't I ever get the job?

MY RESUME

Name: ERIN....(That's pronounced AIR-IN...just so you know :)

Age: 23

Previous jobs:

• Taco Bell when I was 16......I can work a mean cash register...seriously, I can...And I can remember really important details like ...sour cream on the side is 26cents.
• Nanny for 3 years......I can work a mean remote control and microwave oven and I remember important details from that job too...Soap opera's come on at 1 on channels 2.... 4 and 7 :)
• Car insurance company...who cares, that job was really stupid!. They had no interest in my previous skills from other jobs, so I quit 
• Dental lab....almost lost a finger at that one so that one was dumb too.  That one was like hard labor....I QUIT!

Interests

I think it may be easier to tell you what I'm NOT interested in...too many things interest me and only a few are stupid.....here are things that I'm NOT interested in:

•  Crocs
• Snuggies
• Pajama jeans
• Those little stickers that brag about your kid being on the honor roll
• mom jeans
• Sweaters with little lambs on them
• socks with pictures
• Uggs
• sweat pants with "sassy" written across the butt in sparkles
• dickies
• Butt crack hanging out the top of my jeans
• and mini vans...

????? Was this supposed to be stuff that I'm interested in "IN LIFE"? I was so thinking in "fashion/style"....ok ok...... I got it now...I'm interested in everything...except sports and other dumb stuff like that! :)

Favorite Movies

• Porn

....I'm kidding who would put "porn" as their favorite movie and leave it there???? I would...But I'm only kidding...I don't watch or act in porn...I did see one once though... there was way too much sex and nudity for me....they really should clean those things up so they can be watched...I hear they have great acting and really good plots.

Favorite Books

I read a book once but I can't remember what it was
it was a long time ago....hmmmm...Oh yes
It was called "Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing" I couldn't put it down
but I had to put down because Crissy found out that I liked Matt too and she started chasing me. Lucky for me the bell rang and we all had to in for lunch. Great book...I highly recommend it! After that I read "War and Peace" another great book!

Thoughts from the Grocery Store

I really don't have much to write today as yesterday was boring.....I did however go grocery shopping and I got the SLOWEST checkout girl EVER!!!!  I had a cart full of groceries, even some items from the freezer section and I'm pretty certain that by the time she was done, they were dethawed!....My experience was like this.........Hi, how are you? .......  (BOOP)   <------that's the scanner...............I'm doing well, thank you .......................................................................................................................................................................................(BOOP)...............My thoughts...(OMG, I'm gonna be here forever)..............(BOOP)........................(BOOP).................My thoughts now....WOW !!!!!!!!she is so slow, I almost wanna scan this stuff myself ......................................................................................................................................................................(BOOP)..................................................................................................... My thoughts now....HOLY SHIT, JUST SHOOT ME!!!!  I wonder if I could pick up all this stuff and go over to the other line where I hear (BOOP ) (BOOP) (BOOP) (BOOP) (BOOP) it was CRAZY  FAST, almost like the girl thought she was gonna win something .....I was soooo jealous of aisle 4.......(BOOP)  ......Oh goody, she finally rang up my wine and now needs to see my ID..............My thoughts......%%&*%%((&^%$#^% I hate grocery shopping, my license is ONLY the WORST picture I have taken in my entire life.........(BOOP).........I stood so patiently next to all the candy that was staring at me, begging me to take it home......(BOOP).....I thought about slipping a Hershey bar into my pocket so I felt all dirty and wrong like a REAL bad bad girl, you know ........(BOOP) .......BUT...I wouldn't want to be tackled on my way out the door for stealing....wait..... YES I WOULD!!!!!.....(BOOP).........................................Hmmmmm...............................................(BOOP)..... getting tackled by security would mess up my hair a little but, getting tackled by security might be fun....some of those guys are really good looking!.....Lets just say it wouldn't be the first time that getting tackled by a good looking guy messed up my hair...(BOOP).....OMG.... Did I really just think that?....  I'm so bored that now I'm thinking dirty thoughts at the grocery store!!!!!....What is my problem????? ..... (BOOP)......Well now my train of thought is all screwed up........ (BOOP)........mmmm men in inform.........(BOOP)..............Mam, that will be $175.39....EXCUSE ME, MAM.....that's $175.39.....DAMMIT lady hold on........ I'm still thinking about this security guard thing!

DUMBASS new math

TRYING to help Mary with her 2nd grade homework....OMG....This NEW MATH has me wanting to seriously beat some mathematician's ass!!!!  I learned to add and subtract!!!... OH YES I DID!!!  ......  and it went like this.........



The first one is the old way.....(my way)  .....The second one is the new way (the really dumb way)

You know that Bobby had to even help me type this new math problem!

  To me, this is waaaaay different!!!!! WHY CHANGE THINGS NOW!!!! ....Everytime I see these damn math problems, I do it the "normal" way.... not the "REALLY STUPID" way and Mary gets all her problems marked wrong cause I helped her and taught her wrong!

WAY TO MAKE A MOM FEEL DUMB!!!!!  Seriously, my kids think I can't even add or subtract  now....THANK YOU geniuses of the world for changing things.......You know what!!!!..... I wanna change some things too...how about.... ENGLISH ....YAY.... lets change some "ENGLISH"  SHALL WE!!!!!!?????  From now on the word  "THE"  is actually the word.... "DUMBASS" ....Here are a few sentences for you in  the "NEW erin ENGLISH"....... Mary was struggling with DUMBASS math problems so I helped her, She kept getting DUMBASS math problems wrong so I couldn't help her any longer, cause I learned it different than she did and I hate math and wish DUMBASS geniuses didn't change things cause now I have to ask DUMBASS 13 year old to help DUMBASS 8 year old and I DUMBASS Mom have to sit and watch!  Thank god DUMBASS Dad knows about this stuff too cause DUMBASS kids would flunk outta school if they had to depend on DUMBASS math skills of their mother!

Google: boobs

ALRIGHT.....who googled "BOOBS" from my computer!!!????   Really, if you do a history search on your computer, make sure you are ready for what you might find....I don't know who looked it up but, the history went something like this......Google: Hot girls.........Google: Super hot girls.......Google: Hot boobs.............Google: Really  hot boobs, hurry up my mom is coming!

I asked my 13 year old son and my husband which one of them has a new obsession with boobs and my sons face got all red (poor thing, his allergies were acting up again) Neither one of them would confess to these late night shenanigans????  Hhhmmm .... Who did it???.......I figured it must have been Paul (my husband) cause my 13 year old Bobby would NEVER EVER do something like that... I mean NEVER!!!!  I really don't think he would even know how to look things like that up on the Internet....It's so advanced for such a young man these days! ...I asked my husband to please respect me and to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!!!  Paul looked SHOCKED but I know it was him...I mean ...duh... it's pretty obvious, Bobby is still just a kid, an adorable sweet child with no knowledge of computers what so ever, just like most 13 year olds!.......A few hours after this situation ended, sweet Bobby approached me with a youtube video that he had stumbled across while diligently trying to look up a video titled "99 words for moods"  (he is so courteous of others feelings and really wants to know more about different moods people have)....I asked him what this "moods" video is about exactly and he said he isn't really sure, he was VERY confused (poor kid)  but, he said that it looked like it was about headlights or something???? I thought I would check out what he was searching for to help him out... who knows, maybe he wants to start a new hobby or join an after school group....he said he may have misspelled "moods" a few times.....Poor kid, he's so eager to learn new things.... he must really want to be fully educated on "moods" ....(I'm beaming with pride)....He is just so adorable isn't he?.... I looked up his "99 words for moods"  and nothing came up so I asked him if he could remember how he MISSPELLED "moods" and he thinks he may have slipped up on the keyboard and accidentally typed  "boobs" then he asked me what those are....LOL...silly kid, he will find THAT OUT AFTER HE IS MARRIED! This video is all that I could come up with?????  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDXj-yuIjcw He must have been really angry by the end of this clip cause he watched it 23 times and it doesn't even mention "moods" EVEN ONCE?????? He must have REALLY been searching!  Poor Bobby, I'm gonna have to get him some lessons on how to properly search for things on the Internet because sometimes the obvious....just goes right over that poor kids head!!!!!

Darts

Paul and I went out for drinks last night and he convinced me that the game of "DARTS" is fun (it's not, it's actually REALLY STUPID, he must think so too cause he didn't seem all that happy by the end of it) He also convinced me that beer tastes good (THAT'S COMPLETELY FALSE as well.....I'd rather drink a homemade concoction that my kids made up!)....We played about 5 games of  darts and being the TERRIFIC student that I am...I asked all kinds of important questions, like... Where do darts come from?  Is "dart" a verb or a noun?  Why does one need to know darts? Can I throw darts backwards?  If I were to throw this here dart and it bounced off that stool, then hit that wall, then it hit the bulls eye thingy, is it worth more points?  He must not know this sport AT ALL cause he didn't even know any of  the answers to my questions. I bet he's pretty frustrated by his lack of knowledge too, cause with each question he got more annoyed with himself.  He was shaking his head alot and giving "crazy eyes"... Maybe he should STUDY UP a bit before he tries to teach something next time!  Paul just seemed irritated and exhausted by the end of this sport  (I was fine, I guess it's more exercise than he is used to).   He said something about REALLY needing a beer after playing darts with me :) YAY.......He wanted to celebrate the new sport that he taught me with a beer....I was very proud at that moment! Of course, he got a little too carried away (as usual) and after his 6th beer I realized it may be best if I drive home, after all, I have been in far fewer car accidents than him and I don't cuss at other drivers, plus I look so cute driving my car...I really do!....I buckled him in and he started twitching and mumbling (he was drunk), saying really stupid things....like "my eye, my eye, she just missed my eye" or something weird like that????  He must have been talking about something that happened while I was getting him a beer cause I didn't see anything happen to his eye at all...I was throwing the darts at the thing, and I heard a few little screeches (they sounded more like cheers really) he kept saying something about hitting that bulls EYE thing and I know he saw it cause he was standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF IT! ...If he says he didn't see it... he's just lying because he doesn't want to lose to a girl... really he was RIGHT THERE, I know he saw it! .... He can be kinda dramatic sometimes and I just let him. Why make a big deal out of it you know.... I just smile and wave.......Heeeeey... I have an IDEA!!!!   Does anyone wanna start a league with us???

Sometimes I feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman only I'm not a prostitute and my best friend is not a prostitute either (I don't think) and I would NEVER wear that god awful tie dyed number that she had on ICK........BUT, I would ABSOLUTELY sleep with Edward!!!!    WHAT????  You would too! Stop lying to yourself!  He wouldn't even have to pay me....some money would be nice, don't get me wrong, but seriously..... I WOULD NOT sleep with him (I'm lying) WHATEVER!!  Can we just be done with this part?!
Anyway, Paul came home for 2 seconds last night ....He walked over kissed me on my cheek and slapped down a 50 for me to do something with the kids then left again (see why I feel like Julia Roberts in pretty woman)..... I woke up this morning and he was gone :( What did Julia Roberts do when Edward was gone other than feeling cheap and easy???  Oh yes....she went shopping on Rodeo Drive and took a bubble bath!!!...Well I think I'm going to take a shower, slap on some hooker boots that are zipped up with safety pins, and take these kids to the bounce house or Chucky Cheese...DAMMIT!  I wish I had a Rodeo Drive! Cept without those snobby girls that work there....I don't think I would have been as nice as she was...I woulda smacked a hoe!

Well.... I guess this is a blog?????

Here is a little bit about me.....I'm a 34 year old mother named, Erin.... not to be confused for "Ern, Earon, or my favorite....Erwin" (I have actually been called these things, by adults none the less) And the next time I am called one of these "MAN NAMES" someone will get a serious ass kicking!  For the record...The correct pronunciation of my name is "AIR-IN" ....(YAWN) .....OMG....You still don't get it do you!??!  Here,I will use it in a sentence...(whispering under my breath...what a Dumbass)... "There is "Air-in" my head"  Do you get it now? There isn't truly air in my head, cause that would make ME the dumb one and clearly the dumb one here is you...you couldn't even pronounce Erin! Anyway,  now that I have that cleared up...I can go on, I have a wonderful husband whose name escapes me at the moment due to the amount of hours he has been putting in at work.....hmmmm it's...Brian....it's Mark, nope....no, that's not it.....It's Fransisco...No way,  that's my Latin lover that only exists in my head....or when ever I force my poor husband to talk like a Latino and bring me my wine while my feet are kicked up and I snap my fingers at his hot Latin ass...(blushing) Ohhh my gosh,  I'm sorry, I got a little off track there.....Ohhhh yes that's right, he is named Paul, when Paul is home I irritate the hell out of him...Why? Cause I CAN and cause it's fun and easy.... who doesn't like fun and easy????  Paul obviously likes "easy" which is why he married me...OMG... I'm kidding...you don't get jokes too well, do you?  Paul doesn't either...see he is very corporate and I am VERY NOT CORPORATE!  He is very conservative and I am VERY NOT CONSERVATIVE....therefore, irritating him is SIMPLE AND FUN! Then I have two fabulous children... Bobby age 13 ....he would rather that I didn't do a blog as he knows he will be the ass end of most of the things I say (I may rename him a few times during this blog to save his identity...actually, just to keep him from getting his ass kicked at school).....When I referred to "air in head"...I was totally thinking about my boy...god love him, but he's dumber than a brick at times.  Then there's my little Mary...she is 8 and truly believes that the world would cease to exist if SHE didn't get out of bed in the morning...I may have had something to do with this delusion but whatever....she too will be a headliner in this blog as well....it seems as though "DUMB" runs ramp-id through this families blood. (except for the dad cause he's REAL smart which kinda means he's boring, which is kinda why I irritate him so much, he kinda needs some fun in his life too, right???  :) Well, that's my family in a nutshell....Note that I said nut SHELL...I didn't mean that like "nuts" like kicked in the nuts.... I meant that like nuts like peanuts in a  shell...AKA nutshell!  OMG YOU'RE DUMB!