You know what’s hard to do........getting a certified check from the bank is HARD TO DO!....How often do you have to do that...How about, NEVER!!!! .....So really, you are set up to look like a complete IDIOT from the moment you walk in and yes, I fit that bill.....
I walked in totally prepared (I even put a folder with blank papers in it under my arm to look like I had important documents, shhh ...that was just a prop) I looked at the stand that has the deposit slips, nope, no information there??....Then a suited gentleman (note that I called him "gentleman" not "guy"...it's cause I'm being all sophisticated and banker-ish) so that suited "gentleman" was flirting with a cute teller and he had to stop to walk over and ask me if I needed help. Apparently, I reeked of confusion (even with my folder of important documents) I said, "Yes, I need a .......a.......a...." I completely blanked and couldn't remember what the dumb check was called......so "CASANOVA" looked at me all dumb and raised his "CROOKED EYEBROW" at me and directed me to another teller...then he went back to the cute teller girl to explain what his IRA was like (all pompous) and he asked her how comfortable she is with her IRA level...WHAT???!!! IS THIS REALLY HOW BANKERS PICK UP WOMEN???......OMG NEVER!!!! BORE ME TO TEARS!!!! JAB ME IN THE EYE WITH A HOT POKER!!!! I would be like, "what, huh, are you joking me? And what’s an IRA anyway, is it some weird sex position that I have never heard of? Is it a piece of jewelry? Is it a car?" I raised my "PERFECTLY PLUCKED EYEBROW" right back at him and HIS STUPIDITY (If he gets a girl with lines like that...I'm moving outta this state) So after giggling inside at watching Casanova with his crooked a$$ eyebrows try to charm the pants off of this cute teller girl, I had to get focused again.... I fumble around trying to inform the teller that I need a "CASHIERS" check...she looks at me as if she is smarter than me too and says you mean a "CERTIFIED" check....I say, "ohhh, ok, whatever, YAY, I need that one." She asks me how much I need it for (all this information is stored in my cell phone, in the form a text message from Paul) I told her that I needed to review my records, if she could please give me a moment (hehehe...I know, I sound all businessie ,don't I?) and I picked up my folder and put my phone in the middle of it (I pretended I was reading important documents but I was really reading my smiley face filled text messages) ....I told her the amount I needed the check for and she said .....or what I thought she said was, "would you like to make this out someone"...just like they ask at the flower shop...so I smiled and said, "YES" she look at me with a dead blank stare and she said, (all filled with attitude) ...."you CAN'T answer... YES" (visibly irritated) she repeated, "WHO would you like to make this out to?" OHHHH...whoops.....I fumbled with my phone again and told her the companies name with a stutter...OMG How dumb can one person feel!!?? I was all set to be smart, I had on the right outfit, the right props, the right shoes..etc...One last ditch effort at leaving with a little dignity....I asked her if she would please screw up the check so that I felt better (of course I was joking)...she smiled a half a$$ kind of smile, one that screamed "OMG, please get run over in the parking lot" ....So (with my head held low) I was on my way..... I walked out and I realized a very important lesson...Maybe if that folder had REAL documents in it this could have gone a little better...next time I'm bringing the kids birth certificates, my marriage license, and the deed to the house, oh and plus, I'm going to bring the newspaper All folded up under my other arm! Well I Gotta go now.... I'm off to Google IRA's I need to see just how "HOT" those things are!
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