"MAKEOVERS FOR INMATES"

People often say to me, "Erin, you have too much time on your hands" I say, "NOPE, I'm not even wearing a watch DUMMY, you are!!!"...So clearly, you are the one with "time on your hands" not me! I wouldn't say that you have "too much" time on your hands though, cause you're only wearing ONE watch.  If you were wearing two or three watches, THAT'S JUST TOO MUCH, now isn't it?!....so here I am with NO TIME ON MY HANDS, writing these blogs, why? Because I love to write and I love to think (even though sometimes it hurts a little.)  Why is it that just because I am doing something that I love, people think that I'm doing something that shouldn't be done?  Do I have to do something TERRIBLY BORING to earn the right to do something that I love...( I mean I do IRON, doesn't that count?)...I have to do things that I love to stay happy and for those of you with TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS...TRY doing something you love every now and then and quit thinking that it's wrong....unless it actually IS WRONG, like don't go stealing a car and smoking a whole mess of drugs and then when the cops come you throw your hands up and say, "HEY Erin told me to do something that I love and she even said that it's NOT wrong"...Then we are both in trouble...and I don't wanna get arrested for telling you to do something that you love...Plus, could you picture me in jail??  OMG, I think I would die...I would probably get beat everyday, and called names, and forced to join a gang, and pull one pant leg up, and tie a bandanna around my head with some bad a$$ braids, all while limpin with a gangsta lean, just to look intimidating!  AND What if I had to get a tattoo???

Then when the guards were done ruining my life, the inmates would have their turn to hate on me...I have a feeling none of them would like me very much, but maybe I could sway them with an AWESOME MAKEOVER DAY, what girl wouldn't love that???....I'd stand on a chair while we are in the lunch room? mess hall? dining room? ...(screw it, whatever the place is where prisoners eat) and I'd yell...... "ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP...put your teeth back in B1TCHES, we are having A MAKEOVER DAY" and they would all perk right up and stop hating on me, cause they are girls and girls like that! And if those jerky guards wouldn't give us any cosmetics and makeover paraphernalia (<---that's prison talk for makeup brushes and tweezers) then we could use our food with natural dyes (cause them b!tches gotta feed us)...... we could squish up our raspberries and put it on our lips for lipstick (FUN) and we could take beets and squish those all to hell too (no one eats beets anyway...GROSS) and use it for blush, We could grab some dirt from the play field? outdoor time area? play ground?...(whatever the hell they call that place where they let you stand outside and tan for a while, I see it in movies)...anyway, we could grab a buncha dirt and add water to it and do mud facials!!! And I could make a SHANK out of my toothbrush (isn't a shank where you turn regular stuff into makeup brushes?)   THIS WOULD BE SO FUN!!!!!...So please PLEASE please the next time you do something TERRIBLE tell your arresting officer that I said it was OK, so I get arrested too! ...Omg, I almost forgot!!  That's right!!!!!..... I wouldn't go straight to jail, I would need to be arrested first! I would be arrested, hand cuffed, and told all about Miranda's rights!....Do you think it would be offensive if I asked my arresting officer to keep his hat on and talk in a really sexy deep voice?????.....ohhhhh this little daydream JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER!!!!

 WOW!!!!!!!  My arresting officer looks exactly like  Enrique 'Iglesias and why am I smiling, this is supposed to be TERRIBLE! I think I want to RESIST ARREST! Just DON'T TASE ME BRO!

Written by: Erin Kenaan