Some things that keep me up at night

Last night Paul and I were talking and I used the proverb, "Every cloud has a silver lining" the next hour was spent wondering where these dumb phrases come from!.... Proverbs are actually some of the stupidest things in the English language...while we are on the subject of the English language, can someone please explain the word "Colonel" to me...(WHERE IS THE R???)

Lets dissect some of these proverbs shall we........
1. High on the hog? ...UMMM, excuse me if I'm wrong here, but HOGS are "low" ...shouldn't it be "high on the giraffe" or "high on the elephant" or even "low on the hog"....WHO MAKES THIS STUFF  UP??? Wait a minute, scratch that one,  I have seen people "HIGH on HOGS"....

2. A penny saved is a penny earned...I call "BULSH!T" on this one too, I found a penny the other day and all I did was PICK IT UP, I didn't EARN anything, I didn't work for it, it was JUST THERE! and PLUS, what are you SAVING a penny FROM?? Is someone chasing it, does someone want it dead???? FREAKIN WEIRD if you ask me!!!
3. You don't know what you got till it's gone....That's absolutely INCORRECT....You don't know what you got...Cause you don't got SH!T, it's gone!!!...If it's gone, you got NOTHING and I'm pretty certain that you would KNOW that!
4. (to lighten the mood cause I'm getting a little angry here)....OHHH look, a HOT guy.......




I KNOW I KNOW I tricked you and I'm sorry but, listen, I google different types of  "hot guys" all the time to find pictures for this damn blog ....we will call it "RESEARCH" and  I don't mind it one bit, until HIM that is... he is what came up when I googled "hot SMART guys"...REALLY!!???  Is this what we are left with if we don't like DUMB GUYS!!! I have to write to Google about this, cause I'm pi$$ed! ...Here's a proverb that I made up myself..."You don't know that you're tanning if you're wearing a shirt and you look like George Bush Senior!"

 5. An apple a day keeps the doctor away......UM NO THANKS.....GET THE DAMN APPLE AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!




I THINK I FEEL A COUGH COMING ON!!!!!  no really, "cough cough, ouch!!!" and my stomach hurts too, and I think I have a fever, oh and a rash.....this may take a while!!


6. Absence makes the heart grow fonder...No it don't, it makes me miss your stupid a$$!!!!
7. A friend in need is a friend in deed...So lemme get this straight....if my friend needs something then she becomes A BETTER friend?.....HUH?? SCREW THAT!!!!  A friend in need, probably wants to borrow money....I then become "A friend with NO PHONE!!"
8. Cheaters never win and winners never cheat....HeLLLLLO, Did you see Tiger Woods?  He was WINNING WINNING, DUH!!!!!!
9. Don't cross that bridge till you come to it...ummmm CROSSING it BEFORE you get there is not even possible!!!!!  I swear these things make me DUMBER!!!!
10. Don't put all your eggs in one basket...What in the hell am I supposed to do then...carry 12 baskets around the grocery store??...THAT'S JUST DUMB!!!  I don't think I can go on.....I have had enough STUPID for one day!