And the truth shall set you FREE

A few things that make me wonder how exactly I picked my friends, cause sometimes I feel alone on this planet

They Have Believed

1. They have believed.....That I got LOST in my own neighborhood...NEVER happened!!!....I got lost about a mile from my house, NOT in my subdivision! I said "my own neighborhood" just because it sounded funny and now I'll never live it down!
2. They have believed.....That I thought PIG LATIN was an ACTUAL language...I guess if you tell a friend that you would be JUST FINE in a foreign country because you know "Pig Latin" you better not sound so convincing...you better giggle when you say it or she may think that you are for real and that you will say, "cusemea, oda ouya owna erewha the toresa is?" To find the closest store.
3.  They have believed.....That they DIDN'T look fat in that dress...SHE LOOKED HUUUUGE!!!! (kidding, I would tell the truth, unless of course she wanted me to lie, but how would I know that?  Who ever says "Do I look fat? Lie to me!".....Ohhhh....OK, NOW I GET IT....You're just supposed to lie)
4. They have believed.....That I wasn't sure if Bobby was actually mine. We would need a DNA test!...(ARE YOU KIDDING ME?)
4. They have believed.....THAT I HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE......Cmon, do I look dumb to you.... NO REALLY, how about when I close one eye ?   Do I look dumb now? Whatta bout now...I have my eyes crossed and I scrunched up my face ..Do I look dumb now?



Things I have heard friends say to me that made THEM look REALLY STUPID!!!

They Have Said

1.  They have said...Erin, you're dumb!
2.  They have said....Erin, are you serious?
3.  They have said....Erin, you CAN'T do that!!!!
4.  They have said....Erin, did you sleep with my brother?........THAT WOKE YOU UP DIDN'T IT!!!  That never happened....WOW.... YOU'RE DUMB! Now don't go believing that I did sleep with someones brother, cause then I have to put it up in the "They Have Believed" part of this.....Although, I guess I did sleep with "SOMEONES" brother...PAUL does have a sister but, she never has asked me if Paul and I have slept together???????...I guess I'll just wait for her to confront me on that one, I HOPE SHE'S NOT MAD!

It's still science bitches! 10 points for me!

As you know, I don't exercise my brain much, unless it is ABSOLUTELY necessary....this is one of those times.......My perfume ran out...GONE!!... DEAD!!.... EMPTY!!...So I bought more but, it didn't smell the same AT ALL!!!  This may seem like small potatoes, but it bothered me!!! (not small potatoes, like "my perfume smells like small potatoes" that would be gross...I don't wanna smell like small potatoes)  Anyway, I know they didn't change the formula (<--big sciencey word 5 points) because I called and asked. Something was definitely different though!!!...I have been wearing this scent for years and I LOVE IT! I can't just let this be! So using the scientific mind that I have, I pondered (<--big word, 5 points) how this could be and what are some possible variables (<---HOOLLLY SH!T, I SOUND SMART, 10 pts) that could have changed the scent...It must be something I did...hmmmm.... I thought about this alot.....maybe my body chemistry changed therefore, changing the scent (<---that just sounds REALLY extra smart, 15 points)...but, nope that's not it!!  LIGHT BULB MOMENT!!!!!....OMG...I get it....I have 1 bottle in my house and 1 bottle in my car....the bottle  in my car smells BEAUTIFUL but the bottle in my house smells  BORRRING!.......MEANING... a chemical change has occurred with the perfume that's in my car because of the temperature change that occurs in my car (<----YUP, THAT'S ALL ME, call me Einstein and give me 20 points)...so I took my "house" bottle of perfume and put it in the car so that it can go through this same chemical change (<---scientific words...20 points)....and you know what ....IT DID!!!!...SOOOO not only did I figure out the issue but, I have a unique perfume that NO ONE ELSE HAS!!!  HA!  It's still science BITCHES!!!  It's just the only kind of science that I care to figure out!!! ...........YES, I'm kind of a big deal! You all better watch out..... if I ever decide to become the first female president.... you all will smell like candy and life will be based on a points system... for example, my "smart points" equals 85...for today and my "cool points" are always way too high to calculate!!

BE BOLD.... so I don't miss stuf

Seriously, stores need to get it in gear...... I'm getting really irritated with the way they are handling their clearance items these days and I'm about to write a STRONGLY worded letter!!!!

I had to go to 2 stores yesterday to make some UNNECESSARY returns!!!!!.....At the first Store, I bought Bobby... A GREAT baseball bat.  I was so excited...it was normally $60 and I got it for JUST $12.... THAT'S GREAT!!!!!....That is until Paul saw it and read the label, and told me that it was actually a softball bat and it was for GIRLS...DAMMIT!..........I blame the store for not having it properly labeled so that I could see that part...shouldn't that be in BOLD print somewhere above the bats???  Maybe even a lit sign.... oh yes, like a lit flashing sign that reads, "GIRLS BATS---GIRLS BATS!!!!"

Then the second store, I bought Mary an adorable pair of shoes, normally $20 for just $5..... THAT'S GREAT, they were so cute!!!! .....That is until I tried to cram her size 13 foot into a size 12 shoe......DAMMIT!........I blame the shoe store for not having those properly labeled either....like, on the SIDE of the shoe...I mean really....Who looks inside and on the bottom of a shoe for the size?? NOT ME!)

To top off these QUESTIONABLE sales techniques.... when I left the 2nd store, I couldn't get into my car, my unlock button was BROKEN! I struggled, and fought,  and pulled the handle, (I kept thinking of that song "I whip my hair back and forth"...I bet I kinda looked like that too, except I'm not African American and I'm not ten years old, so I guess I kinda didn't) anyway, I tried the trunk, and I pushed that darn unlock button so hard....then, GREAT!!!..... this is NOT MY CAR!!!!!! .......DAMMIT!.....I blame...ummmm....I blame the driver of the car that's identical to mine, for parking right next to me, knowing darn well that I would think that their car IS MY CAR!! I bet they thought they were pretty cute playing a prank like that too....JERKS!

So I did what every mature woman does and I called my Mother and whined to her about how terrible my day was and how I was wronged so many times. As I was telling her about all the irritating things that happened to me.....Do you know what she said to me? She said,...."Rin, (She calls me "Rin", I think she forgets my real name sometimes, so I just let her) She said, "Rin, I'm exactly the same way, YOU GET IT FROM ME"....I said, "WHAT?? ...I get WHAT from you???? What in the HELL does THAT mean???..... You mean YOU are a VICTIM too????...How do you genetically inherit  "BEING A VICTIM"  that's not a trait MOM!!!!  That can't be passed down!!" ...OMG, She can be such an "AIRHEAD" at times...this is DEFINITELY one of those times!!!!

Super Hero to super ZERO!

So we are snowed in .....and I can admit when I'm wrong...SORRY Cam Carmen, I guess I insulted the news a little too quickly yesterday.....You JERKS were right, for once!  And so were my loved ones who told me to stock up on groceries...NO, I didn't listen..... why?  CAUSE I'M A REBEL LIKE THAT and plus, I know that all my neighbors stocked up, so I can just live off their common sense and continue to stroll through this life without a clue!

So being the rebellious domestic goddess that I am, I decided that we are having CRAZY WILD tacos for dinner (remember, I'm a rebel, we can't just have "regular" taco's, that's not rebellious) I cooked up all the ingredients and cut up the vegetables only to find that we are out of tortilla's, so I made them, FROM SCRATCH...(That's the first time I have ever made those...PAT PAT on my back) Now for dessert....Banana cream pie...YUM...I made the filling and decided to make the vanilla wafers from scratch, since I DON'T HAVE ANY OF THOSE IN THE HOUSE EITHER!!! (YES, I should have stocked up and next time I will listen, I promise) So I made my own vanilla wafers, FROM SCRATCH (That's the first time I have ever made those ...PAT PAT on my back again...nothing is getting in my way today) ...THEN, for the meringue on top.....DAMMIT....... I'm out of sugar...OH NO!!....I CAN'T MAKE MY OWN SUGAR!!!!. (no PAT PAT on my back, INSTEAD  it's... HEY IDIOT now what!!!)..Normally, I would have hopped into my car and whipped up to the grocery store really fast, but since we are in the middle of a blizzard.... I called one of my very best girlfriends that  lives 10 houses away and I asked her to loan me  1 cup of sugar...I drove down there through the heavy snow without a problem, after all ...♫ I'M SUUUPER MOM... DU DU DU ♫<-------sing that part like a superhero theme...PLEASE...C'mon..please.....DO IT DAMMIT!  Whatever...You're NO FUN! ...Back to my story, so I picked up the sugar ...then when I backed out of her driveway, I GOT STUCK!!!! ....stuck STUCK!!  NOT  "rock back and forth and you are out, stuck"  but  "OMG!  I REALLY need help, RIGHT NOW stuck!"  Thank god, this nice neighbor man was out shoveling his snow and another wonderful neighbor was also outside to push my stupid a$$ out of the DEEP rut I just created.....all the while, my sweet generous girlfriend sits in her warm cozy house at the window with her piping hot coffee, laughing hysterically.....Thanks friend!!!!!...........DARN IT!!!!!!  I was so proud of myself before that little mishap!!! Tomorrow is a new day!

Cam Carmen is a big fat liar!!!

Here's my take on these FAKE snowstorm warnings!  The news likes to heighten everything.... I MEAN EVERYTHING!!!!!!! After all, that's what gets us to watch it, right?...If they said "mild snow fall" instead of "STORM OF THE CENTURY" would you have watched it?.....Lets say that I accidentally shot myself in the foot and it showed up on the news (we will OF COURSE pretend that I didn't have my shoes on for this little example cause I don't wanna wreck them)....it would be said like this....."This just in, Former Opar to the prime minister of Egypt was brutally attacked by a barricaded gunman and is in critical condition".....First, I can barely spell "Egypt" let alone live there.  Second, yes, I used to be a nanny a few miles away from my house but not for anyone in the public eye. Third, I'm fine, I'm just stupid! ..NO thank you, NEWS, I'll pass.....I'll get my drama from reality T.V. THANKS!  Although, reality T.V.  is pretty fake too, it's still more real (or more fun) than the news! At least if I was on a reality T.V. show, they would make me out to be something fun, like a big ole tramp, that has 7 kids, from 9 different dads, and is now partying her a$$ off, while her children sell drugs from her one bedroom apartment in the projects.....I do have kids, but just 2 of them, they don't sell drugs yet, but I'm hoping that one day they can enter that promising field. Unfortunately, my kids have a dad and it's only one guy...I KNOW.... I KNOW... I should have driven around the block a few more times before I picked the car I was gonna drive forever!  Sadly, I'm not a tramp either.....but it sure would be  fun to play one on T.V. way more fun than being the prime ministers nanny! Therefore, Reality T.V. has my vote and the news is OUT!!!! 

P.S. This blog kinda made me realize that my life is a little dull.... I think I'm gonna spice it up a bit and Not cook dinner today.... I may not even vacuum....OH YEAH!!!!!  It feels SOOOO good to be this BAD!!!!

Bobby, Doctors don't date patients!

Bobby and Mary had their yearly physicals yesterday and every time we visit Mary's doctor, she reminds me of when Bobby was 5 years old and Mary was just a baby.  We rushed Mary in with a fever and the poor thing had a TERRIBLE ear infection....Bobby looked at the doctor, his eyes welled up with tears and he said, "How can this be? We take such good care of her!"  (that was back before he started beating her into submission and perfected the art of the head lock).....Our hearts melted...The doctor remembers that still to this day.  Now, here we are at 13 and 8 and she has brought that up at EVERY visit for the last 7 years♥..........Well doctor, I'm sorry but, Bobby isn't 5 years old anymore and Bobby has raging hormones and I can not be held responsible for this one, cause you should know better than to tell a 13 year old boy that he is good looking! This last time is what I believe will be the end of her conversations with my boy. She began by telling Bobby how cute he was back in those days and then went on to tell him that he has grown into a VERY good looking young man....Innocent enough, right??  WROOOONG!!!  Bobby winked at her and said, "What are you doing on Friday night? (with an arrogant confidence) You ARE hitting on me, RIGHT????"...OMG.... YIKES!...kill me....I sunk so deep into my chair that I could barely see out of the top of my coat.....AGAIN,  a lasting impression....Thank you Bobby!  Where did I go wrong?....I read parenting books!....I studied the statistics!....I tried real hard, I swear I did!......... WHY WHY WHY??????